Let's say a big thank you to Angola for skimpy thongs and golden tassles. Wait, hold on… don't turn the page just yet… bear with me for a second. It goes like this…
If the shiploads of African slaves hadn't brought their ritual 'semba' music to Brazil a few hundred years back it wouldn't have morphed into the 'samba' we see today. And without samba, all those lithe Brazilian women would be barefoot in the kitchen instead of bare-breasted atop a Carnival float.
The slaves' semba music was a bit like blues (who can blame them), but today the samba is an excuse to strip off, get down and shake some serious Brazilian booty. If that sounds like your idea of a damn fine spectator sport, start booking your tickets now for the 2010 Rio Carnival from February 13 – 16. You've just missed this year's shindig I'm afraid.
So, what's the deal?
The annual Carnival is celebrated across Brazil, but the four-day party that hits the streets of Rio 40 days before Easter is far and away the world's most famous, pulling in over 500 000 punters each year. The debauchery ends on the day before Ash Wednesday; the start of Catholic Lent when one is supposed to abstain from pleasures of the flesh.
Perhaps the Rough Guide to Rio puts it best: "Boasting the largest gathering of transvestites in the world, Carnival is infamous for its 'I-went-to-bed-with-a-woman-and-woke-up-with-a-man' style incidents. Leave your inhibitions at the airport!"
During Carnival (Carnaval if you're Portuguese) you'll find parties in squares, streets and clubs across the city, but they are all just a warm-up for the main event: the Samba Parade in the Sambadromo.
While it's just a massive party for the thousand of tourists and cariocas (Rio dwellers) on the grandstands, for the samba schools strutting their stuff it's a dance-to-the-death competition. Teams of judges rate each school on everything from their float theme and samba song to the glittering costumes. Or lack of.
Complete nudity is not officially allowed in the parade, but it's not unusual to find topless or near-naked beauties (of both sexes) wearing glitter, body paint and not much else!
And before the Carnival?
The good news is that there is more to Rio than four days of debauchery and dancing. You can promenade with the beautiful people along the glamorous Copacabana, join a volleyball game on the laid-back Ipanema beach (Saturdays are best) or pay your respects to the awesome statue of Christ the Redeemer on Corcovado mountain.
If all that sounds too taxing you can simply kick back and order a caipirinha; the national cocktail of Brazil. If you like mojitos you'll love this simple cocktail of cachaça (a local rum), lime and Muscovado Sugar. Best of all, in anything-goes Rio you can order them at your deckchair on the beach while you soak up the views.
The city boasts one of the world's most spectacular locations, washed up between glamorous beaches and towering peaks coated in thick tropical forest, so there are adventure options aplenty.
Surf-breaks abound at Prainha, nearby Tijuca offers incredible rain-forests for walking or you can rock-climb the iconic Sugarloaf Mountain. If you make it to the top you can even paraglide back down, getting a bird's-eye view of the Cidade Maravilhosa (Marvelous City) before floating down to earth on Copacabana's São Conrado Beach.
My bags are packed, any last words?
Well, one of the things you'll see from up above are the favelas (slums) stretched out above the city. These are desperate places home to desperate people, rife with drugs and crime which often spills onto the streets of Rio. Street-crime and pick-pocketing are common in Rio, so be cautious where you walk at night. You wouldn't take your video camera to Hillbrow at night, so don't do it in Rio! If in doubt, ask your hotel for advice.
But don't let it spoil your fun. As you'd tell your mates visiting Jozi from London – be aware of the bad stuff, but focus on the good. And my, oh my, with a few thousand tanned, toned and topless Brazilians ready to samba in the summer sun you won't be short of distractions.
Visit www.rio-carnival.net to find out more.
Originally published in GolfPunk magazine; March 2009.
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